One of Jesus’ most difficult teachings concerns forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness is easy for God because it is part of who God is. Scripture repeatedly reveals to us a God who is merciful, compassionate, and always ready to forgive. In fact, we can say that it is God’s nature to forgive.
But for us human beings, forgiveness can be extremely difficult—especially when we have been deeply hurt, betrayed, humiliated, or treated unjustly. It becomes even harder when the person who has hurt us shows no remorse, refuses to acknowledge the wrong, or continues to behave the same way.
When I forgive, I am saying: I will not allow what you did to control the rest of my life. I will not allow your wrongdoing to poison my heart. I will not carry hatred wherever I go.
Yet, in today’s Gospel, Jesus gives us a practical path for dealing with hurt, sin, and broken relationships. It requires faith, love, courage, patience, and humility.
The first step is this: when someone sins against you, go and point it out to them privately. Tell them what they have done and how their action has affected you. Not speaking to everyone else first, telling our friends, our family members, and sometimes even people who have nothing to do with the situation.
It is important to be mindful of how we approach the person, not confrontationally but with love and the understanding that he who deliberately hurt others needs help; they carry wounds of their own, even though that does not excuse their behaviour.
Our first reading reminds us of this responsibility. We cannot simply watch evil unfold and remain silent. We have a responsibility to speak up and help one another recognize what is wrong.
If the offender refuses to listen to our peaceful approach, Jesus says to take one or two others with us. If the person still refuses to listen, the matter should be brought before the Church. If the person refuses even to listen to the Church, Jesus says, “Let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
At first, Jesus’s statement may sound harsh. We might interpret it as: Cut this person off, treat them as worthless, and have nothing more to do with them. But that is not what Jesus meant.
How did Jesus himself treat Gentiles and tax collectors? Did he treat them as trash?No, he lovedthem and reached out to them. He ate with them and called them to conversion.
So, to treat someone “as a Gentile and a tax collector” cannot mean that we are permitted to hate, despise, or dehumanize that person, but to love and pray for the person.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same.Forgiveness does not always require the other person’s cooperation. I can forgive someone even when they are not sorry. I can forgive someone who has never apologized. I can forgive someone who may never even know that I have forgiven them, because forgiveness is, first of all, about releasing myself from the burden of resentment and vengeance.
When I forgive, I am saying: I will not allow what you did to control the rest of my life. I will not allow your wrongdoing to poison my heart. I will not carry hatred wherever I go.
Forgiveness does not mean what happened was acceptable. It does not mean we pretend the hurt never happened. It does not mean we must immediately trust someone who has repeatedly betrayed us. It does not mean we should return to an abusive or dangerous situation. Rather, it means that, with God’s grace, we surrender our desire for revenge and entrust justice to God.
Reconciliation, however, is different; it requires both sides to acknowledge what happened, seek forgiveness, make amends, and gradually rebuild trust. Sometimes this takes time.
Christian forgiveness is not a weakness. It takes tremendous strength to forgive. It takes faith to place our pain in God’s hands. It takes humility to recognize our need for forgiveness. It takes courage to correct wrongdoing without hatred. And it takes love to desire the conversion and salvation of even the person who has hurt us.
As we celebrate this Eucharist, let us ask the Lord for the grace to forgive those who have hurt us. Let us also ask for the wisdom to discern when and how to confront wrongdoing, the courage to speak the truth in love, and the humility to acknowledge our own faults.
And where reconciliation is possible, may God give us the patience and grace to rebuild what has been broken.
Amen.